Session 38 - The Grand Melee (recap)

In this session, our party participated in the Grand Melee…

The Rules

  • The Hellriders at the entrance went over the rules:
    • The melee has no rounds, just one large free-for-all that lasts until only one contestant remains.
    • A contestant is eliminated by being knocked unconscious, by yielding, or by being forced out of bounds.
    • Attackers must choose to knock out their opponents rather than kill them. Hellriders will run into the ring to carry away the wounded, and interfering with them is grounds for elimination.
      • There’s a 1,500 gp fee for Raise Dead, along with some very pissed off Hellriders.
    • Spells and magic:
      • Spells that kill or deal damage are not allowed, but other spells are.
      • Flying or ethereal characters will be considered out of bounds.
    • The only weapons allowed in the melee are clubs, quarterstaffs, and blunted tourney swords and polearms. (A tourney weapon is similar to its sharp equivalent, except that it deals 1 less damage on a hit and deals bludgeoning damage.) Leosin, via Ontharr Frume, provides whatever weapons you want to use.
      • Unarmed attacks are ok too, though punches are usually reserved for those about to be eliminated.

Surveying the battlefield

  • The jousting field had been converted into a single open fighting arena, with lines drawn to delineate the melee boundary - anyone pushed out would be eliminated.
  • Adventurers, militiamen, off duty Hellriders, and daring commoners brandish blunt wooden weapons and wear everything from rags to heavy steel plate. Among them:
    • Thrump Gelan-Goleon, the shirtless goliath Pliny faced in the Archery and Pie eating contests. This time, he had replaced his bow with a giant maul, and was smiling while wating for battle.
    • At least 4 groupings of commoners
  • Zoyana placed herself along the western edge of the field, while Aegar and Pliny settled in the southwest corner.

The Grand Melee

  • With much less heraldry than had started the joust, the high Overseer stood, raised his hand, and then dropped it. As his hand fell, a horn sounded…

Round 1: (11 armored foes, 100 commoners, and the party)

  • Around the field, chaos ensued.
  • Knights faced against knights, while commoners surrounded individuals and bashed them with their sticks.
  • The nearest knight, Sir Bibron Glig, charged Aegar bashing him with his shield and knocking Aegar on his back. Once on the ground, he bashed Aegar with his spear.
  • Aegar rolled to his feet and swung his warhammer into the chest of his assailant.
  • Pliny reached around Aegar and tagged the same knight with his blunted rapier, and then directed his Unseen Servant to move between Sir Bibron’s legs and hinder as best it could.
  • In the chaos, Zoyana dashed eastward across the field.
  • The nearest commoners converged on Aegar, Pliny, and Sir Bibron. An errant club caught Aegar in the head, while Sir Bibron took more of a pounding.

Round 2: (11 armored foes, 87 commoners, and the party)

  • Sir Bibron the knight turned and swept his sword with fury, dropping two commoners on his first swing, and another two on the backswing.
  • Aegar stepped to put Sir Bibron in the middle between he and the horde of commoners, and unleashed a breath of lightening. A jolt caught the knight, but the brunt of the energy knocked eleven of the commoners off their feet.
  • Pliny (Performance 24) hid his spellcasting within flourishes of his blade and sent a Dissonant Whisper into the head of the knight, causing a blinding headache (14 psychic damage) and forcing Sir Bibron to immediately turn tail and run.
    • Aegar caught him in his chest with his warhammer, and Pliny laughed as he ran away.
    • The commoners got a couple licks in as he ran by.
  • Zoyana wildshaped into a Giant Boar, and charged and gored a gladiator, Forderne, who stood his ground from her charge.
  • The nearest mob turned and ran from Aegar and Pliny.
  • The other combatants continued bashing away.

Round 3: (9 armored foes, 49 commoners, and the party)

  • Sir Bibron kept running and bashed through a group of commoners in the center of the field, sending 4 flying with his shield, and downing a fifth with his blunted spear.
  • Aegar turned to Pliny: “We should help out Zoyana”
    • P: “You think she’ll let me ride the giant boar?”
    • A: “Perhaps if you ask nicely.”
    • P: “Do you think I should ask for forgiveness or ask for permission? I think if I hit the back of it and mount like a cowboy…”
    • A: “I think you might die if you do not ask for permission. But we should move.”
    • Aegar, with Pliny in tow, dashed across the field toward Zoyana.
    • Pliny waved to the crowd as they ran, trying to get them pumped up that he’s looking at them and, pointing at different people and really bringing the thunder.
  • Next to Zoyana, another armored combatant, a knight named Sir Dema, bashed Zoyana’s foe, and Forderne returned the favor with his spear. Neither had spared a glance at the boar bearing down on them, having too much fun bashing the crap out of each other. (And a 3rd armored enemy, Hu of the Black Stump, continued bashing away from behind at Sir Dema.)
  • Zoyana bounced her tusks off the armor of her target, in a frustrated effort to send someone out of bounds.
  • The party spied Thrump running across the field screaming “Thrump!”, maul raised high, and then sending four commoners from the center group flying like bowling pins.
  • The remaining commoners dodged out of the way of the raging goliath.
  • The battlefield started to consolidate, almost like pieces on a chess board.
    • The remaining commoners started to bunch up together while continuing to try to swarm their armored foes.
    • The combatants started to converge towards the center of the field.
    • The Hellriders grabbed downed foes and escorted them off the field as quickly as possible.

Round 4: (8 armored foes, 31 commoners, and the party)

  • An armored knight, Idelia Green-Eye flattened all but one of the commoners in the center of the field with her greatsword.
  • Aegar closed most of the distance to Zoyana and her crew, and wrapped a bola around the legs of Hu, the nearest foe.
  • Forderne won the battle with Sir Dema, and turned to scream in Zoyana’s face.
  • Pliny, unable to resist the opportunity of the crowd, moved up to the fence separating him from them, and jumped up on the railing. He took a beer from someone in the front row and downed it.
    • The crowd saw the showboating and roared with approval, eating up his antics.
  • Zoyana the Boar disengaged and moved toward the center of the field.
  • Hu of the Black Stump broke Aegar’s bola from his legs and stood.
  • Thrump turned and hit Sigwald Mankhahk, the gladiator behind him, with a mighty swing. Sigwald took the blow with a wicked smile.
  • The remaining unarmored commoners started converging to the center of the field, their peers having been eliminated via damage or fear. In the process, one caught Thrump in the back with a club.
    • Pliny turned to the crowd and started yelling “Thrump! Thrump! Thrump!”

Round 5: (7 armored foes, 7 commoners, and the party)

  • In a handful of blows, Sir Bibron and Idelia green-eye cleared the last of the commoners from the field.
  • Aegar found himself one-on-one with Hu and bashed him brutally with a gauntlet-ehanced warhammer blow.
  • Pliny turned to the crowd: “Do you think it’s time for Pliny to get back out there, or do we want a show?”
    • The response was clear and immediate: “Fight Fight Fight!”
    • Pliny bowed to the crowd, “If you ask…” and jumped down, dashed next to Aegar, and poked Hu with his blunted rapier.
  • Hu responded to Aegar with a bash across the chest with his greatsword.
  • Zoyana the Boar, having backed up, rushed Forderne the gladiator again. Forderne again held his ground, and again took a rough goring for his trouble.
  • Thrump, seeing the boar, charged over and bashed away harshly with his maul.
    • In the process, Thrump’s prior enemies thwacked him in the back before following and spearing the boar back to being Zoyana.
  • Loring Boulderhide, who recently finished with a group of unarmored commoners, rushed south toward our heroes.
  • The battering continued.

Round 6: (7 armored foes and the party)

  • Although more than 100 combatants had been eliminated in the past couple moments, it felt like the real battle just began, with the strongest and most heavily armored participants squaring off on each other.
  • Sir Bibron ended Idelia green-eye’s quest to be champion.
  • Aegar eliminated the gladiator Hu of the Black Stump, first with a blow to the legs that sent him horizontal in the air, and then with a gauntlet-charged warhammer slam into the ground.
  • Pliny sang a little ditty toward Zoyana and she felt swept up in the Inspirational song, and then yelled at Thrump: “Come on man! Save it so that we can be back at the podium again!”
    • Thrump turned and smiled back.
  • Zoyana wildshaped into a Cave Bear, and absolutely mauled Thrump, spraying blood everywhere.
  • Thrump responded by screaming at Zoyana and returning the favor with a pair of punishing blows with his mace.
    • Zoyana the Cave Bear leaned forward to wipe blood-filled bear spittle on his chest and up his face.
  • The armored foes attacked in a fury:
    • Sigwald Mankhahk reached past Thrump and speared Zoyana, returning her to her halfling form.
    • Loring Boulderhide then bashed Sigwald from behind with his greatsword.
    • Forderne, having seen a bear and a boar and not being interested in a third round, speared Zoyana with all his might.

Round 7: (5 armored foes and the party)

  • Sir Bibron, a whirling dervish of elimination, ran up and flattened Loring Boulderhide.
  • Aegar moved around the group and took a good warhammer swing at Sir Bibron, but his joyful dancing at the fall of Loring softened the blow.
  • Pliny again followed Aegar, but pitifully missed with his rapier. In recompense, he tried again to trip his foe via Unseen Servant and shoelaces.
  • Zoyana cast Healing Word on herself, recovering some stamina, and then spent an inordinate amount of time considering Thrump’s ballsack. She finally decided to go for it, disengaged from her foes, slipped through Thrump’s legs, caressing the thrumpage as she went, and then circled around behind Aegar and Pliny.
    • Zoyana: “I touched his balls…”
    • Pliny: “Zoyana, are you in love?”
    • Zoyana: “My heart is Thrumpaging…”
  • The bashing continued among the rest:
    • Thrump stepped around and bashed Sigwald with his maul.
    • Sigwald returned the favor, smacking Thrump in the head with the butt of his spear, knocking him unconscious.
      • Zoyana: “Pliny, I’m no longer hot for him. He got knocked out.”
    • Forderne stepped around and poked Aegar with his spear.

Round 8: (3 armored foes and the party)

  • Sir Bibron, speared Pliny. There were some Cutting Words and Pliny squeaked.
  • Aegar, tired of Sir Bibron’s continued participation in the melee, brought a Divine Smite-powered blow across his chest, sending him flying. As he collapsed on his back, the Hellriders ran over make sure he was still alive, and the crowd erupted.
  • Pliny stepped around Aegar to lightly poke Forderne.
    • And then pulled his flask, raised it to the crowd, and downed a shot of Elven Battle Spirit. The crowd roared in appreciation.
  • Zoyana pulled some halfling woogirl shit, sliding between Sigwald’s legs, punching him in the nuts, and then tapping him on the shoulder from the other side.
  • Sigwald, pissed at the indignation, bashed Zoyana upside the head with his spear.
  • Forderne, seeing Aegar as the bigger threat, stabbed Aegar again with his blunted spear.

Round 9: (2 armored foes and the party)

  • The fight winding down, the winded Aegar whiffed completely his swings at Forderne.
  • Pliny did two things:
    • First, he blew a kiss to the love of his life, his lovely man-wife Aegar providing Bardic Inspiration
    • Second, he used the cover of Aegar (Performance 28, nat 20) to whisper to Forderne, “He swings like you do. The only difference is when he hits, it actually hurts.”
      • Forderne felt the blow of the Dissonant Whisper in his head, and went running for the exit.
      • Pliny called out, “Hey Aegar, why don’t we show him what it looks like when someone actually swings. Why don’t you go first on this little pinata.”
      • Aegar took the opportunity to smack the fleeing opponent, with a little Divine Smite for extra oomph.
      • Pliny the continued, “Aegar, you’re too kind. You left the candy for me?” and with the eagerness of a drunk dad at a 6 year old’s birthday party, took his rapier and bashed Forderne into submission.
      • The crowd, seeing Forderne turn to run and then get beaten down, erupted in approbation.
  • Zoyana, in the most bewidering development of the event, started yelling: “Oh-my-god! Oh-my-god! Oh-my-god! I just started my period!” and disengaged from the battle, ran straight out of bounds.
    • Rather than running for the bathrooms, as soon as she cleared the fence, Zoyana nonchalantly walked to the nearest tree and climbed up to watch the rest of the event.
  • Sigwald, the last of the foes, was utterly confused by Zoyana’s spectacle, but had enough wherewithal to charge Aegar with his shield, landing one small blow with his spear.

Round 10: (1 armored foe, Aegar, and Pliny)

  • Aegar faced Sigwald cast Compelled Duel with a monotone “I’m your target”, and then… whiffed on his warhammer swings.
  • Pliny ran around to the crowd again and started chanting “Aegar! Aegar! Aegar!” and trying to build up to the glory, and be ready to rock paper scissors his homie if he needs to have the gauntlet.
  • Sigwald, meanwhile, took the duel to heart and bashed Aegar to within an inch of his life.

Round 11: (1 armored foe, Aegar, and Pliny)

  • Aegar feinted and then bashed Sigwald with a Divine Smite-ehnaced blow.
  • Pliny ran towards Aegar and cast Enhance Ability on himself and his friend, the Bear’s Endurance strengthening both.
  • Sigwald, meanwhile, took the duel to heart and bashed Aegar to within an inch of his life.

Round 12: (1 armored foe, Aegar, and Pliny)

  • Aegar in a last-dash attempt, dropped his shield, grabbed his warhammer with both hands, and swatted Sigwald out of the way like he was nothing…
    • And then ran for Pliny.
    • Pliny, really fucking confused, dodged out of the way and called out: “Are we cool bro?”
  • The crowd started cheering.
    • Pliny: “Aegar, do we have to do this man?”
    • Aegar: “Hit me!”
  • Pliny, with a little bit of hesitation, lunged forward in repost and blasted Aegar in the chestplate. It wasn’t much. But it was enough.
    • Aegar, battered and bruised from all the fighting (6 hp), fell to Pliny’s blow (8 hp).
  • The crowd went silent.

Victory

  • Zoyana, from her tree, started chanting: “Pli-ny! Pli-ny! Pli-ny!”
    • Pliny was completely lost in the moment freaking out, and went running toward Zoyana in her tree: “You need to go, you need to get Aegar.”
  • Zoyana’s chant started to take hold, and the Hellriders helped Aegar stand.
  • Pliny started to come to his senses, and turned, raising his hand to acknowledge the crowd.
    • As he did, the crowd went wild.
  • The announcer jumped across the fence and addressed the crowd as he backed up to Pliny: “We have our winner!”
    • He whispered over his shoulder through gritted teeth, clearly having no idea who Pliny was: “What’s your name?”
    • Pliny: “Pliny Melvin Pan, sir.”
    • He addressed the crowd: “Pliny Melvin Pan! The strongest…” and he kind of laughed a little bit, “competitor on the field today! Our champion!”
    • He grabbed Pliny’s arm and raised it, “Pliny! Melvin! Pan!”
  • Pliny got caught in the moment and attempted, and surprisingly succeeded (Acrobatics 17), in doing a backflip.
  • Aegar stepped closer and gave Pliny a bow before walking off.
    • Pliny, between bouts of celebration, returned the bow.
  • The crowd erupted into chants of “Pli-ny! Pli-ny! Pli-ny!”
  • Pliny pulled out Dragon’s Lullaby and started to play We Are the Champions.
    • Flowers poured out of the lute as Pliny serenaded the crowd.

Awards

  • Once the celebration died down, the formal closing ceremonies, surprisingly brief, commenced.
  • The champions of the various events were lined up, announced, and presented with thier winnings. Among them:
    • The Alchemy Jug presented to Zoyana for winning the Beer competition
    • Lady Constance and 1,000 gp presented to Aegar for winning the Joust.
    • The Inspector-General and 500 gp presented to Pliny for winning the Grand Melee.

Session End

  • The session ended with Pliny eating that shit up, and the party expecting to spend the night celebrating, with some vague thoughts of regrouping in the morning…

Loot

  • The Inspector-General won by Pliny in the grand melee
    • Cloak of Protection, Wondrous Item, uncommon (requires attunement)
    • You gain a +1 bonus to AC and saving throws while you wear this cloak.
    • The cloak is fastened with a golden chain on the front, and has the bearing of a high ranking military official or otherwise someone of importance.
  • 500 gp won by Pliny in the grand melee

NPCs Interacted With

  • Thrump, the goliath archer
  • A bunch of unconscious people

Locations Visited

  • Elturel
  • Elturel North Field

Experience Per Character

Session Task or Accomplishment Pliny Aegar Zoyana
38 Dissonant Whispers with no one to hear x2 150 - -
38 Bola for justice - 25 -
38 Elimination: Hu of the Black Stump - 75 -
38 Bear-kissing Thrump - - 75
38 Unseen Servants and shoelaces 75 - -
38 Caressing the Thrumpage - - 75
38 Elimination: Sir Bibron - 75 -
38 Halfling woogirl shit: ball punches - - -25
38 Elimination: Forderne 75 - -
38 My period! - - 125
38 Boar, Bear, and Balls - - 500
38 Being ready to rock paper scissors his homie if he needed to have the gauntlet 100 - -
38 Elimination: Sigwald Mankhahk - 75 -
38 1st loser of the Grand Melee - 650 -
38 Elimination: Aegar Daendriyan (how do you know that name?) 75 - -
38 Leading the crowd in chants for Pliny - - 75
38 Champion of the Grand Melee: The Inspector-General 900 - -
Total 1375 900 825